I read a fascinating book entitled
Willpower: Rediscovering the Greatest Human Strength, by Roy F. Baumeister and John Tierney. The book contains the latest scientific research on willpower, or self-control, and the findings have much practical application for you and me!
All of us desire willpower. We understand that if we just had it or more of
it, reaching our goals would be greatly facilitated. I was watching a program highlighting a woman's obsession with food. Her daughter and a therapist had challenged her to rid her home of tempting treats. Late that night, she sat at the table eating from an ice cream carton, saying, "I just don't have any willpower!"
We do not desire self-control/willpower without just cause; research underscores its many benefits. Self-control allows individuals to thrive, particularly in work and school environments. Not only that, but people high in self-control tend to have close, healthy personal relationships and have more empathy, more emotional stability and overall better mental health than those with poor self-control. You say, "Of course I want better self-control!" but readily identify with the woman downing ice cream straight from the carton? Ah, the many challenges of being a human being! But read on.
Studies have shed light on willpower: what it actually is, what depletes it, and what strengthens it. Researchers discovered that willpower is "like a muscle that could be fatigued through use." In other words, you have a finite amount of willpower, and it is depleted in various ways throughout the day. For example, the need to control thoughts, emotions, impulses, and performance depletes willpower. Giving repeated efforts in any of these areas causes willpower to decline, making further regulation of thoughts, feelings, and actions more challenging.
The battle for self-control takes place in the brain, specifically the area called the anterior cingulate cortex. When willpower diminishes, that part of the brain slows down, which makes it difficult for people to control their reactions and causes cravings/temptation to spike. There is a cure for this, however: glucose (a.k.a. a candy bar)! The brain signals for simple sugars to restore energy, judgment, and control quickly, but small amounts of good protein sources such as chicken or nuts are preferable, despite their effects not being as immediate.
It is easy to see how a demanding job depletes people, so that they have little left to give their family in the evening. If you spend most of the day making decisions, constantly controlling emotions and words due to difficult clients or coworkers, or dealing with a steep learning curve, you might have difficulty dealing patiently with a whiny child or needy spouse later. You might also struggle to regulate vices at that point. Also, the link between glucose and willpower highlights the complexity of weight control/diet issues! What is an overstressed, goal-oriented person to do?
Let's look at ways to strengthen willpower, so that we can achieve our goals! There are several ways to do this besides the well-timed meals and snacks already mentioned. The first strategy is to make desirable choices habitual. When something becomes a habit, much less willpower is required to make it happen. For example, if you desire to be physically fit, make it a habit to exercise each day at a set time or in a certain amount, so that you do not face the daily mental struggle "do I go to the gym or do I not?" It becomes automatic and does not deplete your willpower. Look for phone apps that provide reminders, prizes, penalties, and/or community; these facilitate cementing new habits.
Similarly, a second strategy, called "implementation intention," requires an individual to make a highly specific plan for automatic behavior in certain situations: "if x happens, I will do y." This is related to the habit tactic mentioned above- making things automatic so that less willpower is needed to obtain a desired result.
A third strategy for building willpower is to daily do certain things that require focus and mental discipline, such as praying, reading scripture, practicing a musical instrument, memorizing verses, writing, and the like. When your mom taught you to do certain things "because they're good for you," it turns out she was right! Even doing something like reminding yourself throughout the day to maintain good posture builds self-control.
Fourthly, strengthen willpower using "precommitment." With precommitment, your make your goal crucial, so that straying from it is unthinkable, extremely disgraceful, or sinful. Use "bright lines, " defined as "clear, simple, unambiguous rules," to delineate that precommitment. For a Christian, if scripture speaks clearly about the behavior ("God says no!"), that can powerfully motivate actions by providing those bright lines.
Even a clean, orderly environment contributes to self-control! A more controlled, less chaotic space encourages discipline in other areas of life as well.
Peer accountability is a great way to strengthen self-control! Make your goal public knowledge. Mention it frequently. Then you cannot unobtrusively drop the goal and no one is the wiser. If you inform others, they are likely to ask you how it is going. Similarly, spending time with others who have related goals makes achieving your goal more likely. You can help each other get there!
A seventh strategy involves rewards and penalties. Rewards, especially small frequent prizes with occasional big ones, are helpful. Determine how you will reward yourself for achieving a goal, and then be sure you follow through. Penalties for falling short of goals also are motivating. For example, if failing to lose weight means an automatic deduct from your bank account to a cause you despise, the weight is more likely to come off.
Finally, do not try to strengthen many areas at one time, as this puts too much strain on your willpower. Remember, you only have a finite amount of it. For example, trying to quit smoking and drinking at the same time would sabotage your efforts and make you likely to give up. One big effort at a time is more pragmatic. Then, when that aspect becomes pretty automatic, you can focus on the next step.
When we understand what is happening in our bodies and brain and apply tested strategies to deal with these realities, we find ourselves empowered, and our goals more within reach. If any of these ideas help carry you to your goal, please let me know!
